before bed thoughts

dust bunnies are taking over my house. i bought paper plates so we don't have to fuss around with the dishes. i'm pretty sure i saw an ant colony behind the sofa yesterday night.

usually i'm on top of (fanatical about) housekeeping, but lately, i'm less than impressive in the domestic department.

further proof: these days i dine on butter, cake, and hummus.
oh and i fall asleep while eating.
with my elbows on the table!!!!

see, i've been studying for this exam. every day for the last few months. and wouldn't you know it--it has kind of taken over my life.

the situation has got me to thinking about how in the H-E-L-L i am going to make things work when i have more "pressing obligations." you can ignore dust bunnies, but ignore your kid (for too long) and you'll have yourself a date with child protective services.

i look around me and see women my age who are DONE having families. i wonder how on earth two people who like their "me" time and are passionate about their work are going to survive sleepless nights, laundry explosions, and a lot of poop. what will balance between work and family look like for us? is it possible to make both a priority? is it possible not to sacrifice one for the other?

i guess we could outsource every domestic task we are not interested in doing ourselves (so basically everything) but, i am one of those feminists who feels guilty about employing other women to do work that i don't want to do. i hate the idea that my self actualization is contingent on some other woman cleaning up after me, doing my laundry, and making my dinners. you pick up what i'm putting down?

but so far as i can see right now....employing someone at some point is only way we can make things work (when we have kids). and i wish i had better solutions for all this. so if you can think of any....do me a solid and shoot them my way. ok? thanks. also if you think i am being dumb, i totally agree with you.

me and my best friend joni

old joni mitchell and i have a lot in common. check it out:

both blonds
both alberta girls
both moved to america
both don't know what we got til it's gone (sorry about that grammar situation mom).

so basically we are kindred spirits or something. anyway ever since i got home from edmonton my mind has been playing joni's big yellow taxi on repeat.

here is why:

i hated garlic city for the 4+ years i lived there. now in most cases hate is a strong word....here it probably doesn't even start to do my feelings justice. i'd go back to calgary pretty much every chance i got. i was always looking into transferring "someplace cool" and when i realized that was too much trouble, i started hitting the books like a mad dog just to make sure that one day i'd at least have the option of going "someplace cool."

and i did (and it was fun). and i haven't really looked back.

until a few weeks ago when i found myself in good ol' garlic city once again. i am driving around old strathcona with sister rax and i start getting all teary eyed and wistful. seeing my old stomping grounds: the buildings i studied in, the restaurants i ate at, the neighborhoods i walked through....just made me so nostalgic. university times were some pretty good times.

then we went to a wedding and saw many old friends. i may not always have liked edmonton, but by george, there were some amazing people there. i look at these people now, many who still live in edmonton, and just feel so lucky to have had the chance to associate with them. and i feel like a nard dog because i didn't appreciate then how rare people like that are.

and now i am half-wishing to move back to edmonton, and buy a house in glenora, and get together with friends and play settlers of catan every weekend, become oilers fans, go for winter dream hikes through the river valley, and eat a lot of perogies....

because this time i would appreciate every little moment of it.
seriously.
even when it is -45.

post notes:

1. so i may have had this conversion re: garlic city, but don't expect it to happen re: SL,UT.

2. gold stars to fellow former golden bears who say they miss garlic city. i want odes to edmonton!

3. oh and recently my friend chucky (one of those people i was talking about above) started calling edmonton "garlic city." i loved it so much i decided to do my part to make sure the nickname sticks. so now do your part!

resos

not long ago i realized that i have been making the same new year's resolutions since i was 12: stop biting nails, be nicer to my family, write in journal every day, make a quilt, be more artistic, do 500 situps each night....

if you think that after 16 years i'd make some progress on at least some of these fronts, you'd be mistaken. i am still the same moody, nail-biting, canadian-tire-sporting girl i was as a teenager.

admitting that kind of made me feel like crap, so i gave up on resolutions all together for awhile. i decided that resolutions are just a total waste of time, and failure is inevitable, and improvement is impossible and all kinds of other not very uplifting things.

this year i have stared to wonder, however, if the reason i have always been unsucessful with my new years goals is because i keep focusing on things that i either don't like or am not that good at naturally (i mean quilting, seriously).

isn't that how it is supposed to work though, you set a goal to improve at something you aren't very good at? yes. but does it have to be? why on earth to i think i need to be a quilter? why not just focus on becoming better at something i am already good at or like doing?

so i am trying it. next year i will have read the paper every day, have increased my scrabble average to 430 (on two person games), i will try a new recipe each week, and i will become a math master.

i'll let you know how it goes. here i am honing my scrabble skills over christmas with michael and gma and gpa white. what do you think of my christmas uniform? i wore that number for about 4 days straight. i didn't shower either. miraculously my husband still finds me attractive.