before bed thoughts

dust bunnies are taking over my house. i bought paper plates so we don't have to fuss around with the dishes. i'm pretty sure i saw an ant colony behind the sofa yesterday night.

usually i'm on top of (fanatical about) housekeeping, but lately, i'm less than impressive in the domestic department.

further proof: these days i dine on butter, cake, and hummus.
oh and i fall asleep while eating.
with my elbows on the table!!!!

see, i've been studying for this exam. every day for the last few months. and wouldn't you know it--it has kind of taken over my life.

the situation has got me to thinking about how in the H-E-L-L i am going to make things work when i have more "pressing obligations." you can ignore dust bunnies, but ignore your kid (for too long) and you'll have yourself a date with child protective services.

i look around me and see women my age who are DONE having families. i wonder how on earth two people who like their "me" time and are passionate about their work are going to survive sleepless nights, laundry explosions, and a lot of poop. what will balance between work and family look like for us? is it possible to make both a priority? is it possible not to sacrifice one for the other?

i guess we could outsource every domestic task we are not interested in doing ourselves (so basically everything) but, i am one of those feminists who feels guilty about employing other women to do work that i don't want to do. i hate the idea that my self actualization is contingent on some other woman cleaning up after me, doing my laundry, and making my dinners. you pick up what i'm putting down?

but so far as i can see right now....employing someone at some point is only way we can make things work (when we have kids). and i wish i had better solutions for all this. so if you can think of any....do me a solid and shoot them my way. ok? thanks. also if you think i am being dumb, i totally agree with you.


Sherrie said...

Sacrifice is essential, and surprisingly rewarding.

Mercedes said...

sometimes i like to tell myself that neither of us will have to sacrifice anything.

realistically though, sacrifice is an essential part of relationships whether is is between a parent and child or a husband and wife.

i guess the real questions is how much sacrifice?

because it seems to me that it is essential but that there also is a limit to it.

Lauren said...


this post just reminds me of why i love you so much:

1. your brutal honesty
2. your before bed thoughts
3. you sleep when you eat

Char said...

I don't think you're being dumb at all. I often feel conflicted as a stay at home mom. Being a woman with kids is a tough gig these days for a lot of reasons.

Mercedes said...

mango: darling thank you for loving me in spite of me.

char: i know right. i think my problem is that i really do want everything. i wanna me a mom. i wanna have a job. i wanna throw crazy cool parties for my kids. i want to clean my house....and everyone says you can't do it all. and there is something kind of sad about that.

Anonymous said...

i really loved what you said about your inner-conflict with self actualization being contingent on other women cleaning up after you. You exactly pinpointed what I've had a tough time articulating here in NY, where it seems like all of my colleagues are more than happy to dole out tasks to less fortunate women, so they can be the woman who has it all. I fully get the necessity and convenience of it, but it still rubs a feminist part of me the wrong way.

Mercedes said...

anon: thank you so much for your comment. i'm glad that there are other women out their who feel the same way i do. maybe if enough of us care--we can come up with a solution? i would love to know how you deal/plan to deal with this dilemma?

nikki said...

Mercedes. I have missed you. This is a dilemma for most of us stay at home moms. I want to do so many things, but most of what I do now is centered around my boys and making sure my house doesn't fall into ruins. In another decade or so, I suppose I can shift the focus to other things when I am done having kids and they are all in school. Until then... I'll be scrubbing floors and playing legos and loving it.

ps... does this mean you are pregnant???