Stuff I'd Like to Say but Don't:

i used to never (ever) think about if what i had to say was offensive. the time i asked a spinster church teacher why, if motherhood was so important, she wasn't out there multiplying and replenishing the earth looms especially large. the result of my uninhibited expression?

for 25 years everyone thought i was a major jerk. (i was)

somewhere along the way i decided that i wanted people to like me. so pulled my head out of my heine and learned a few social skills, in particular that one should make an effort to consider the experiences, values, and opinions of others before opening one's big fat self righteous mouth.

so the upside of this is that i've learned how to not loose friends and alienate people. on the other hand, i've become paranoid about being offensive. now trust me, having everyone think you are a jerk is no picnic, but constantly worrying about offending people is downright exhausting. and if you'll permit me to get really melodramatic here, not ever saying anything because you are worried about causing offense is downright soul crushing.

i guess this is a long way of saying that i've got some stuff i need to get off my chest. so in no particular order:

1. i'm sending my kid to daycare. i don't want to hear a bunch of BS about how kid is going to turn into a sociopath and always have colds. trust me, it is better than the alternative.

2. i think it ridiculous that the "largest womens organization in the world" has to get permission from a bunch of men before they do anything. let's stop trying to pretend we are something that we are not.

3. tacquitos aren't diet food and when you tell me you want to loose weight and then snarf a costco sized bag, don't expect me to pat you on the back and say, "good choice."

4. i want to have a puppy more than i want to have a baby. it definitely has something to do with the fact that daycare for babies costs $2,500/month while daycare for puppies is a relative steal at just $515/month.

5. if i am really going to be honest with myself--SL,UT isn't so bad after all. in fact, i sort of like it here. i might buy a house here. i might stay here a while. i've probably just lost all credibility with some of my friends for saying this.

6. if he doesn't ask you out, it isn't that he is intimidated by you.
the fact is: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. move along.

so that's all. actually it isn't, but that is all i am brave enough to post on my blob. so there. judge me. anything you want to get off your chest? stuff you'd like to say but don't?

Feeling Crusty

we've all read those "cute" letters to things like feet and waistlines on the shi shi blogs. i am not knocking them. i actually love them and the bloggers who write them, people like her and her....

i thought about writing some letters too.....except every time i sit down to write a letter i come out sounding more like hunter s. thompson in the fear and loathing letters than the nice, sweet, thoughtful blogger i aspire to be...

but the truth is that lately i've been feeling a little crusty. if catharsis works will getting my grievances off my chest make me feel better? here goes nothing.

dear michael: i have no idea what you put in that hamburger meat but now our house smells like a third world country. this is to put you on notice: you no longer have unsupervised seasoning privileges. also i am really glad right now that you insisted we buy febreeze in bulk.

dear utah: it isn't you, it's me. i can't handle your dry climate, or your funky culture, or how your people name their children things like Alivyiah, Tridger or Kaegrin. i'm sure you have some redeeming qualities, i'd just prefer not to be the one who has to look for them. (it is you).

dear jason chaffetz: i know you are trying to make a name for yourself in washington, but taking a page out of hilter's political play book isn't the way to win friends and influence people.

dear humidity: enough is enough. 4/4 mornings this week i've woken up soaking wet. i feel gross (and trust me it is your fault. it has nothing to do with the inordinate amount of fried food i've eaten this week...nothing at all).

dear really bad waiter at cambridge common: we have eaten at cambridge common twice in the last 7 days. both times you screwed orders up. you seem like a nice kid, but if you seriously don't know the difference between chicken fingers and chicken wings it might be time to consider a new line of work.

xo mercedes

i need to know i'm not the only one out there who feels crusty sometimes. leave your grievences in my comments....and i sort of feel better. thanks for asking.